Online Dating – Tragic or Magic
Has online dating ruined how we connect with each other? Does the swipe right and match take away from the genuine connections we have formed naturally in the past and make us simply lazy? What happened to the good old days of calling the person you liked, asking them on a date, arranging it a few days before hand, being picked up, being taken somewhere nice and maybe a little bit romantic and being shown a lovely time, getting dropped off and a good night kiss with no expectations of the horizontal salsa and then you hear from them to make another date?? GONE I tell you they have GONE with the wind! (clearly I am very traditional, quoting old school movies, or maybe I am showing my age haha) What happens now is very different. Has technology ruined it forever?? There are so many pro’s and con’s to online dating, I guess it just depends on how we treat or mistreat it. Some pro’s and con’s include; ProWe can meet more people around the world ConWe get lost in all the options ProIt reduces the blind date risk factor ConWe have become superficial ProYou feel connected ConWe are actually disconnecting from reality ProCommunication is quick ConIt is so quick we get inundated and we don’t actually reply to messages ProSo many options ConWe get decision fatigue Has technology ruined it for us all and generations to come?? No, I don’t believe that online dating has ruined how we date and connect, yes it is has contributed to a major shift and has changed the game a lot, I don’t however, think it is the cause. I think we need to take a good long hard look at ourselves – the users or should I say abusers! I think we have abused the system, you go to the gym and watch everyone train instead of training you won’t get the results. You look at the clothes in the window and don’t try them on you won’t know if it fits you, reality check – same goes for online dating. The upside is – we can change the game again if we like! Online dating is a tool we have been given in order to make dating easier, allow us to connect with more people and have a choice, remove the uncertainty of blind dating and enable us to find love. We have gone and sabotaged it and made it harder rather than easier. Did you know that Tinder was actually created to connect people and take away the stress of wondering if someone was interested and it was launched for uni students, very similar to Facebook. What happened from there is all our own doing. Sorry to say it guys and gals, we are living in a society filled with deviants afraid of falling in love – hence the tinder booty call was created – which is technically called “Netflix n chill”. We are quite good at sugar coating the truth haha. So yes, my belief is that we use it incorrectly. Online dating is not the perpetrator, it is the victim and we made it the murderer to dating and finding love. Instead of its original purpose, it is now utilised for booty calls, dick pics, ego boosts, a swipe game and more. We don’t put any description, we put photos of our pets and food, we don’t include pics of just ourselves, we message and don’t respond, we match and don’t make contact, some people use it for a sounding board about all the shitty dates or a way to abuse the opposite sex for being douche-bags or gold diggers and yet we are all confused. Then when we do finally meet someone online and the magic happens we say – “oh lets just say we met through friends” so then online dating doesn’t even get any credit at all and no one really knows the beauty of it if you use it correctly. It is absolutely possible to find love online, I know many people who finally admitted to me they met online haha and that is because they used it correctly. I think Tinder should have a different site – maybe called sexter or something where you go just for booty calls and a site for relationships so we can separate the two and make it easier for people to find what they are looking for. I even want to design an app that has a video profile so you can listen to them speak and you can say something about yourself rather than a short, uninformative description that is generally written in emojis combined with pics that don’t even show their face or hobbies. Put effort in, you will reap the rewards. No more charades or pretending one thing to get another or leading people on. Just straight up front, good old-fashioned honesty and integrity. It is hard to do that these days as we are all a little bit too scared of getting hurt with the truth so it is easier to lie and get what we want and disappear not realising that actually hurts more in the end which is ultimately why I think we got ourselves into this predicament in the first place but that is another entirely new blog topic. Either way, do I think you can find love online – Yes! Here are four quick steps to aid that Write a good profile descriptionPick great pics of you eg; doing your hobbies, hanging with friends, head shot and full lengthActually message and respondMake a time to meet If you want to download the 6 Steps to a Killer Online Dating Experience you can do so in this link. We can change how it works by simply changing your attitude, make some effort and be a little bit vulnerable. If it doesn’t work out, there is plenty of fish, another great dating app haha. Go forth and prosper!!
Ep 3 – Belinda Love in the R.O.A.R – Online Dating; Tragic or Magic?
I hear that many of you are a bit sick of online dating. All that swiping and matching and not actually meeting anyone! This episode welcomes Paul and Janey, to hear some real life male and female experiences. Belinda offers great tips on improving your experience, and will potentially change your view on the old swipe and match way of finding love. Belinda also shares some funny Tinder messages and replies. Links: A list of the best, worst, and weirdest messages on Tinder The Breaking Down the Breakup book mentioned in the Episode Discuss Online Dating with Belinda on Facebook Catch up with Belinda on Instagram Also don’t forget Belinda’s Six Steps to an is still available in our store! Listen, download and enjoy! And email me with any questions or thoughts about this episode at hello@belindalove.com.au
Ep 2 – Belinda Love in the R.O.A.R – Remove Your Love Blocks
We often live in fear and loneliness because we are avoiding heartbreak yet yearn for love. This podcast discusses the exact things holding us back from finding the love we deserve and going from perpetually single to perpetually happy. To get access to the PDF that reveals the seven most common love-blocks head here https://belindalove.com.au/remove-your-seven-love-blocks-pdf/ Thank you for tuning in! xx
Belinda Love in the R.O.A.R – Welcome!
Welcome to Belinda Love in The R.O.A.R!
Thank you for tuning in, it is such a pleasure to have you.
Here we expose raw topics relating to relationships, orgasms, authenticity, resilience and so much more.
You will leave feeling inspired, refreshed and happier than before you tuned in, as well as leave with tools to resolve any concerns you have relating to the R.O.A.R themes.
Thanks for tuning in!
Lots of love
Belinda xx
Where Did They Go? #Ghosted
This blog will give you some closure around that time you were ghosted.
Reality TV vs Real Love
After failing to find love on The Bachelor I considered applying for Married at First Sight myself for a few reasons; 1) They do the background and compatibility checks 2) Someone is potentially going on there for love and I wouldn’t have to get the whole hey wanna “netfix n chill” conversation (if I was paired with the right person that is haha) 3) It is an interesting once in a lifetime experience that can enable self-development 4) It could save time dating all the wrong people (or waste time being paired with the wrong person) 5) At least on this show I get my own partner and I don’t have to compete with 22 other women, well unless you are on the current season of MAF’s haha. After watching this season, I have a lot of doubt and questions around the casting, pairing, and the intentions of the people on the show. I would have to experience it myself to truly understand, but from my Bachelor experience and what I have seen, the show is based around two things; love and drama. It is very apparent that some couples are matched for love, whilst others are matched for drama and drawing out the worst in each-other. Duh of course, silly me didn’t realise before I went on Bachie that TV is geared for ratings and unfortunately the show is not interesting without drama as most people get a bit bored of just the lovey dovey stuff, it is a shame to say it, but that is the reality of “reality tv”. As for MAF’s, there are some amazing matches that are definitely smashing it in the love department, which caters for one demographic, then there are the intense dramatic couples that are clearly hating their time which keeps us wanting more. I don’t agree with it but we as consumers drive the content on TV so they will give us what we want and that means it can be at the expense of someone’s personal life, having said that, we do know the potential risks when we go on. The reality of Davina, Ryan, Dean, and Tracey, and it pains me to say this, is that situation is quite common today and is very relatable. I am not condoning this behaviour in any way shape or form, I am saying however, it is a clear depiction of what is going wrong with relationships today and why some people are still single looking for love – a combination of a lack of integrity, communication breakdowns, love-blocks regarding feelings and vulnerability and this is why I am passionate about being a love coach. I totally understand that Davina is there for herself, she deserves love, we all do, but there is self-love and there is sheer lack of compassion, self-awareness and being mindful of other people’s feelings, and that is where I draw the line. Is Davina there for love of fame? Her intentions are unclear amongst others on the show, whilst I don’t know them all personally, my opinion can only be formed based on her actions on the show, yes the show is cut and edited but her words and her actions are true to her, I have also heard from a source that she ended a relationship to go on the show, and that she in fact said to one of my friends “she would steal her boyfriend if she wanted to” and despite that being hearsay it all stacks up after what we have seen. Both Davina and Dean lacked integrity and self-awareness on the show and I feel whilst Davina was the instigator, Dean did follow along with it all and, you know, tried to innocently “play his cards”. I liken the situation to “monkey vining”, it is where you are assessing which partner is best for you whilst holding on to both of them before making your final decision, we should have integrity and let go of the one you are questioning first before you “cheat” or make your decision. “Monkey Vining Definition; It is the act of transitioning from one relationship to another by retaining some form of connection to both people simultaneously. Only when the new relationship is reasonably solidified is the former one wholly released.” There are more people in the equation outside of them and that means there are more feelings involved. I will always say go for what you want and do what makes you happy, but not at the cost of other people’s happiness, you can always be mindful of others and have integrity with your actions whilst taking care of your own needs. Instead of going behind people’s backs, I believe they should have ended their “marriages” first before pursuing the other. Dean didn’t want to pursue Davina because of her dominating personality and Troy is struggling with Ash because of her domineering attitude towards communication, both are prime examples as to why relationships are failing, men don’t know their place and women are becoming more masculine in their approach to dating, but that is a whole different discussion. I am extremely impressed by Tracey, she shows class, integrity, grace and a lot of self-love. I feel marriage is about thick and thin and she made the choice to continue with Dean to see if he is the right one, the divorce rate is rising all the time because we are always looking for the “next best thing” instead of working on what we have right now. I hate to break it to you but we need to mow the lawn on the other side as well. Tracey’s actions can be perceived as being insecure or needy but I think it shows strength, determination and goes against the norm of “hit it and quit it”. If we all had this attitude of acceptance, trust and determination, we would see less breakups and more success when it comes to love. It does obviously take two to tango so
6 Tips to being happy & single everyday
Heart break sucks… So does being lonely, but why does being single mean we have to connect it with being lonely, or unlovable. I am here to say that you don’t have to be alone and lonely. What is loneliness? It is a desperate need to find you, to be comfortable with yourself and comforted by yourself. It is not about who we have surrounding us in our lives even though we look to people to make us feel included. How often do you hear, “WHAT! You’re single? What is wrong with you?” So many times that we now actually believe that there is something wrong with us. This then makes us think we are unworthy and that we need a relationship in order to be considered lovable or acceptable, in turn this leads us to dating the wrong person and ultimately the relationship ends… horribly. We are then shit scared of finding love again because it may end like the last one and hurt like a mofo and no way do we want to go through all the pain and hurt again like we did last time!! Instead we ignore what we truly want, then discover that suppressing what we really want can only last so long before it bubbles up and causes more long-term unhappiness. I know there is a better way for you to experience long-term happiness despite your relationship status. You are not alone in feeling alone. It is normal after being hurt badly, but it is effecting your happiness, our connection with ourselves and other people which in turn causes us to have meaningless and brief connections/relationships all whilst longing and hoping to find love again – we are doing this dance around our emotions – protecting them but actually hurting them. In the short term we avoid any commitment, dating or anything that may mean getting hurt again, “I avoid love because I am unhappy, I am unhappy because I avoid love – It is a vicious cycle!! “ – Belinda I believe that this is a reason why there is more casual sex, tinder dates and less actual dating now than ever before and therefore this trend has impacted the amount of genuine-connected relationships and reduced marriage. Sounds extremely isolating and conflicting to me, do you truly want this to be the case forever? I am not saying that these having casual relationships is a bad thing, as long as you are doing it for the right reasons and you are happy doing that, not because you are filling a gap or void. You just need to decide if this situation is a short-term, band-aid fix to help you to feel connected and briefly remove the feeling of being alone whilst avoiding getting hurt again, or if you are really happy being single. The short-term fix can be fun to start with but then it can also lead to long-term sadness, for two reasons; We are ignoring what we truly want Each time we don’t hear from that person again we are going through the emotion of more “rejection” which leads us wondering what is wrong with me and then looking for the next fix. It is kind of like an addiction. I feel lonely so I need a hit of company – ooh look, Tinder! Next we come down from the high and the reality of being lonely sets in so we repeat. This cycle will continuously repeat if you don’t start breaking this cycle by using the six tips that are coming very soon. The main reason we do this is to avoid getting hurt, but getting hurt is not the problem. In life we will get hurt, by many things and many people, it is about how you deal with and handle the outcome that counts moving forward. Right now you feel like you have hit rock bottom, as the last relationship was a doozy!! Avoiding love and connection is not the solution either. Being happy and single first will enable you to find the right kind of love that you deserve and never fear getting hurt again. How do you do it? Be grateful, not hateful. Things will happen in life to divert you to what is meant to be, a break up is merely a diversion to what you are truly meant to be doing – embrace it Become comfortable and appreciative of time on your own. There may be times in your life ahead that become hectic and you will be wishing you had time to yourself. Reconnect with you during these times Appreciate time with friends; you may even make choices about which friends you keep close – uplifting positive ones are always little gems that should be cherished. Learn to love your good bits and the bits you wish you could change – as they are. Don’t compare yourself to others, only to what you wish to achieve and keep striving for that. Your opinion of being single differs from the next and you don’t need to justify why you are single to anyone. Understand that the way people act is not because of you, this is a projection of their own self-worth, they are enforcing their opinion on to you based on the judgment and lessons they have received from others. Uncovering self-love will enable you to not take things personally anymore. Stop avoiding and start taking risks – the biggest risks have the biggest rewards. You can deal with the outcome when and IF it occurs. Reconnecting with yourself and the steps I discussed will enable you to be more confident about being on your own and finding the genuine-connected love you are looking at the right time and you will never fear getting hurt again – loneliness is just as painful. We are all alone, but we are all in that together. Being single does not mean you are unworthy, unlovable and definitely should not make you feel lonely. Don’t give
The L word… Why is it so hard to say?
Oooh you said the L word!! Yep I sure did! Love, love, love, love! Growing up I had a fear of the L word. This wasn’t always the case, it developed over time due to a myriad of reasons. I thought it was uncool and strange to use it mostly because when I did say it people would look at me weirdly, reluctantly or rarely say it back and after my parents divorce I didn’t even think love could be real – despite the fact that I wanted to find someone to love and love me so badly. This idea of what love is then became a fairy tale, the holy grail and eventually unattainable, I avoided anything that had love hearts on it – clothes, jewellery, home décor items etc because people may think I am a lovey dovey fairy princess and not talk to me, judge me and think I am silly. Why is it so hard for us to use the L word, in fact I am going to just say it… Love. Here are some reasons. Rejection – Looking silly – Getting it wrong – Getting hurt – Doubt – Fear and so many more I can list. These reasons have all come from our past experiences, the way our relationships turned out, the way we talk and deal with our family and friends and the way we have been treated. Love comes in so many different forms. I love my family, I love my friends, I love chocolate, I love to go on adventures, I will absolutely love my partner. Yet we put love on this pedestal like it is something you can’t say or even feel. It seems as though it has to be that special kind of mutual romantically-intimate special kind of love in order for us to feel it or even say it. As kids we get to an age where we won’t hug or kiss our parents goodbye if someone can see us. Language is a very powerful thing, and if we spoke more positively we would feel happier and more confident and start to feel and believe the positive things we say. I am not suggesting just saying it for the sake of saying it, it can still be special when we say it because we mean it. We complain often about people and judge and ridicule all the time that I believe if we change our mentality to be positive, we will not only feel more positive, we will attract more positive things into our lives and start spreading the positivity all around us. Love has been put so high on this pedestal that we can’t even say I love you to our friends, our family and often our partner – It really shouldn’t be so hard to say this when we do love someone right? Despite what they have done to hurt us we still love them but yet we refrain from sharing this. I think it is selfish personally and we should be more open and honest. I love all of the people in my life, family and friends, they are wonderful, supportive, caring, kind, happy and so many more things. I enjoy letting them know how much I appreciate them and often send a message randomly to say this. Recently I hugged one of my very good friends goodbye and I said “Thank you for coming over and helping me I love you lots.” Her reaction, like many others, was unsure, reserved and shy. I often get that reaction and after talking with her we uncovered that she felt the word love was only for family and your partner and that it seemed unusual to hear it from any one else. I believe this stems from society and the way in which we have treated it. We have made it this exclusive emotion for our relatives or romantic partners. We have created this situation where it is only experienced in a fairytale or and in turn we aren’t using it for all the other people we truly love and they aren’t feeling the true beauty of love in all forms, from all kinds of people. I believe if we shared this more often we wouldn’t have as much unhappiness and judgment in the world. We would be more open to hear and say “I love you” which would create patience when finding “the one” as we would be surrounded with so much love we don’t need just someone or anyone to be our partner to fill the void, I also believe it will lessen the blow if the relationship ends. We are putting all our eggs in one basket when it comes to love, so when the eggs leave or break, we feel empty. Spread the love, tell the people you appreciate that you love them.. If you are grateful for them that has got to be a form of love, right? Don’t worry about overusing the word, as it isn’t used enough. I promise it wont’ take the special feeling away from your forever person if you are saying I love you to all those who deserve it and that you truly love and appreciate, it will in fact, make it more special as it will create comfort and we will feel safe and happy to say it without any expectations of hearing it in return. When we say I love you, we shouldn’t expect anything in return other than to spread love and make someone else smile and feel important. Which brings me to the age old question, who says I love you first? Does he or does she? I want to ask you, in the grand scheme of things, does it actually really even matter? If you love someone – TELL THEM – Tell them today. With no expectations of hearing it back, no fear of the result or outcome. Sharing love is special and should be about them, not getting anything
It’s Becoming a Barbie World
Is life in plastic really fantastic?
I can understand and appreciate why people do it, but is it really necessary 100% of the time and reasons we have it done? It may be for the short term but what about the bigger picture.
6 tips to creating a genuine-connection & avoid a root and boot
One of the most common question’s people ask me is how do you make sure it is a genuine connection not just a root and boot when you first meet someone? The following 6 tips have been written to help you to understand your standards and guide the dating journey to a place that is based on finding a genuine connection and avoid the feeling of being used or lead on and in turn aiding you to find what you want, not what you are settling for. I believe that due to the fact that there are so many beautiful people out there, who offer many different qualities, it can be confusing when it comes finding someone to connect with on many levels, not just the physical. Then it is scary to trust if they are being honest, not just leading you on, dam right it can be hard! It is one thing to find a connection with someone, it is another to uncover if it is going to be just lust or love! The questions we ask ourselves sound a little bit like this. Are they telling the truth or just what I want to hear? Do they want a relationship or a root and boot? Will I hear from them after I sleep with them? Are they leading me on? Are they seeing someone else? How do you know? “Everyone I’ve dated only wanted one thing, surely this is the same old crap”. Dating, regardless of how you found each other is a bit frustrating, “so sick of time wasters”. I have found that online dating is not the best forum for finding more than a physical connection unless you have patience and a lot of time. So many people, so little time, it becomes so overwhelming that we often give up and not even try, or go with who we feel is the most attractive and potentially miss the best connection. I prefer the traditional forms of dating – introduction through friends, meet somewhere local to you for example; the shops or at your your place of interest/hobby, parties and things like that. The pub and bar are not as successful as it tends to end in a one nighter, (not that there is anything wrong with that) that is up to you and the choice you make at the time. You are also in control of where you want it to go and are allowed to say no if you don’t want to sleep with them. Here are the 6 tips as promised – implement them and see the difference in the people you meet and the dates you are going on. Even if it means you are going on less “dates” I always prefer quality over quantity. 6 tips to make sure it is a genuine connection not just a root and boot… 1. Look deeper than just the physical When you are out take a look around the room, don’t just go straight for the person you think is the hottest and then spend all night with that person. Speak to a few people and listen to the way they interact with you. I am not saying be a flirt or a player, I am suggesting to be sociable, you will soon find a connection with someone and feel a “vibe” that goes deeper than a QF. The funny thing is it’s generally not the initial person you were first attracted to that will be the person you connect with the most on a deeper level than the initial physical attraction. Sometimes it is, but mostly we aren’t open to meeting anyone other than the hottest person in the room and compatibility wise it isn’t always right with that person and we make the wrong choice based on the sexual side. Stay open minded and allow people to speak to you first rather than allowing your genitals to make the choice. If you are using dating apps, read their profile and see if what they are saying connects with you and test yourself, go on a date with someone for more than the images, you may surprise yourself, I have many times. 2. Listen more, speak less Listen for the language they are using, if they are talking about their ex often, about partying and drinking, they don’t have many career goals or future plans for their lives; you will see that they really aren’t thinking much about a relationship or their future. They are stuck in the past and aren’t ready to move forward – they will be eventually, but not right now. You can’t change that, only they can. Don’t hang around waiting for that time to happen as eventually you will start to push and then you become the annoying person, even though you are trying to be supportive, it is a very unattractive quality and can be seen as “trying to change them” – you never want to be THAT person. Be assertive, listen for cue’s and obvious signs to show you if they want more or just a root and boot. You can choose what you want but this will allow you to not be let down as you will notice the language and their signs. Some are really good at fooling you with their “facade” but you will get good at trusting, seeing past the “bulls**t” and following your instinct. This will allow you to progress with them in a way you want, on your terms with no expectations only an understanding of what you want. Enjoy the journey and the ride but be smart. Blaming them for leading you on won’t be a thing anymore as you are empowered to make your own choices and have no expectations, only standards. 3. Learn about them through questions It is easy to talk about ourselves to impress. It is better to listen more, honestly answer the questions you are asked and ask questions to learn about them. If
