6 Tips to being happy & single everyday
Heart break sucks… So does being lonely, but why does being single mean we have to connect it with being lonely, or unlovable. I am here to say that you don’t have to be alone and lonely. What is loneliness? It is a desperate need to find you, to be comfortable with yourself and comforted by yourself. It is not about who we have surrounding us in our lives even though we look to people to make us feel included. How often do you hear, “WHAT! You’re single? What is wrong with you?” So many times that we now actually believe that there is something wrong with us. This then makes us think we are unworthy and that we need a relationship in order to be considered lovable or acceptable, in turn this leads us to dating the wrong person and ultimately the relationship ends… horribly. We are then shit scared of finding love again because it may end like the last one and hurt like a mofo and no way do we want to go through all the pain and hurt again like we did last time!! Instead we ignore what we truly want, then discover that suppressing what we really want can only last so long before it bubbles up and causes more long-term unhappiness. I know there is a better way for you to experience long-term happiness despite your relationship status. You are not alone in feeling alone. It is normal after being hurt badly, but it is effecting your happiness, our connection with ourselves and other people which in turn causes us to have meaningless and brief connections/relationships all whilst longing and hoping to find love again – we are doing this dance around our emotions – protecting them but actually hurting them. In the short term we avoid any commitment, dating or anything that may mean getting hurt again, “I avoid love because I am unhappy, I am unhappy because I avoid love – It is a vicious cycle!! “ – Belinda I believe that this is a reason why there is more casual sex, tinder dates and less actual dating now than ever before and therefore this trend has impacted the amount of genuine-connected relationships and reduced marriage. Sounds extremely isolating and conflicting to me, do you truly want this to be the case forever? I am not saying that these having casual relationships is a bad thing, as long as you are doing it for the right reasons and you are happy doing that, not because you are filling a gap or void. You just need to decide if this situation is a short-term, band-aid fix to help you to feel connected and briefly remove the feeling of being alone whilst avoiding getting hurt again, or if you are really happy being single. The short-term fix can be fun to start with but then it can also lead to long-term sadness, for two reasons; We are ignoring what we truly want Each time we don’t hear from that person again we are going through the emotion of more “rejection” which leads us wondering what is wrong with me and then looking for the next fix. It is kind of like an addiction. I feel lonely so I need a hit of company – ooh look, Tinder! Next we come down from the high and the reality of being lonely sets in so we repeat. This cycle will continuously repeat if you don’t start breaking this cycle by using the six tips that are coming very soon. The main reason we do this is to avoid getting hurt, but getting hurt is not the problem. In life we will get hurt, by many things and many people, it is about how you deal with and handle the outcome that counts moving forward. Right now you feel like you have hit rock bottom, as the last relationship was a doozy!! Avoiding love and connection is not the solution either. Being happy and single first will enable you to find the right kind of love that you deserve and never fear getting hurt again. How do you do it? Be grateful, not hateful. Things will happen in life to divert you to what is meant to be, a break up is merely a diversion to what you are truly meant to be doing – embrace it Become comfortable and appreciative of time on your own. There may be times in your life ahead that become hectic and you will be wishing you had time to yourself. Reconnect with you during these times Appreciate time with friends; you may even make choices about which friends you keep close – uplifting positive ones are always little gems that should be cherished. Learn to love your good bits and the bits you wish you could change – as they are. Don’t compare yourself to others, only to what you wish to achieve and keep striving for that. Your opinion of being single differs from the next and you don’t need to justify why you are single to anyone. Understand that the way people act is not because of you, this is a projection of their own self-worth, they are enforcing their opinion on to you based on the judgment and lessons they have received from others. Uncovering self-love will enable you to not take things personally anymore. Stop avoiding and start taking risks – the biggest risks have the biggest rewards. You can deal with the outcome when and IF it occurs. Reconnecting with yourself and the steps I discussed will enable you to be more confident about being on your own and finding the genuine-connected love you are looking at the right time and you will never fear getting hurt again – loneliness is just as painful. We are all alone, but we are all in that together. Being single does not mean you are unworthy, unlovable and definitely should not make you feel lonely. Don’t give
The L word… Why is it so hard to say?
Oooh you said the L word!! Yep I sure did! Love, love, love, love! Growing up I had a fear of the L word. This wasn’t always the case, it developed over time due to a myriad of reasons. I thought it was uncool and strange to use it mostly because when I did say it people would look at me weirdly, reluctantly or rarely say it back and after my parents divorce I didn’t even think love could be real – despite the fact that I wanted to find someone to love and love me so badly. This idea of what love is then became a fairy tale, the holy grail and eventually unattainable, I avoided anything that had love hearts on it – clothes, jewellery, home décor items etc because people may think I am a lovey dovey fairy princess and not talk to me, judge me and think I am silly. Why is it so hard for us to use the L word, in fact I am going to just say it… Love. Here are some reasons. Rejection – Looking silly – Getting it wrong – Getting hurt – Doubt – Fear and so many more I can list. These reasons have all come from our past experiences, the way our relationships turned out, the way we talk and deal with our family and friends and the way we have been treated. Love comes in so many different forms. I love my family, I love my friends, I love chocolate, I love to go on adventures, I will absolutely love my partner. Yet we put love on this pedestal like it is something you can’t say or even feel. It seems as though it has to be that special kind of mutual romantically-intimate special kind of love in order for us to feel it or even say it. As kids we get to an age where we won’t hug or kiss our parents goodbye if someone can see us. Language is a very powerful thing, and if we spoke more positively we would feel happier and more confident and start to feel and believe the positive things we say. I am not suggesting just saying it for the sake of saying it, it can still be special when we say it because we mean it. We complain often about people and judge and ridicule all the time that I believe if we change our mentality to be positive, we will not only feel more positive, we will attract more positive things into our lives and start spreading the positivity all around us. Love has been put so high on this pedestal that we can’t even say I love you to our friends, our family and often our partner – It really shouldn’t be so hard to say this when we do love someone right? Despite what they have done to hurt us we still love them but yet we refrain from sharing this. I think it is selfish personally and we should be more open and honest. I love all of the people in my life, family and friends, they are wonderful, supportive, caring, kind, happy and so many more things. I enjoy letting them know how much I appreciate them and often send a message randomly to say this. Recently I hugged one of my very good friends goodbye and I said “Thank you for coming over and helping me I love you lots.” Her reaction, like many others, was unsure, reserved and shy. I often get that reaction and after talking with her we uncovered that she felt the word love was only for family and your partner and that it seemed unusual to hear it from any one else. I believe this stems from society and the way in which we have treated it. We have made it this exclusive emotion for our relatives or romantic partners. We have created this situation where it is only experienced in a fairytale or and in turn we aren’t using it for all the other people we truly love and they aren’t feeling the true beauty of love in all forms, from all kinds of people. I believe if we shared this more often we wouldn’t have as much unhappiness and judgment in the world. We would be more open to hear and say “I love you” which would create patience when finding “the one” as we would be surrounded with so much love we don’t need just someone or anyone to be our partner to fill the void, I also believe it will lessen the blow if the relationship ends. We are putting all our eggs in one basket when it comes to love, so when the eggs leave or break, we feel empty. Spread the love, tell the people you appreciate that you love them.. If you are grateful for them that has got to be a form of love, right? Don’t worry about overusing the word, as it isn’t used enough. I promise it wont’ take the special feeling away from your forever person if you are saying I love you to all those who deserve it and that you truly love and appreciate, it will in fact, make it more special as it will create comfort and we will feel safe and happy to say it without any expectations of hearing it in return. When we say I love you, we shouldn’t expect anything in return other than to spread love and make someone else smile and feel important. Which brings me to the age old question, who says I love you first? Does he or does she? I want to ask you, in the grand scheme of things, does it actually really even matter? If you love someone – TELL THEM – Tell them today. With no expectations of hearing it back, no fear of the result or outcome. Sharing love is special and should be about them, not getting anything
It’s Becoming a Barbie World
Is life in plastic really fantastic?
I can understand and appreciate why people do it, but is it really necessary 100% of the time and reasons we have it done? It may be for the short term but what about the bigger picture.
6 tips to creating a genuine-connection & avoid a root and boot
One of the most common question’s people ask me is how do you make sure it is a genuine connection not just a root and boot when you first meet someone? The following 6 tips have been written to help you to understand your standards and guide the dating journey to a place that is based on finding a genuine connection and avoid the feeling of being used or lead on and in turn aiding you to find what you want, not what you are settling for. I believe that due to the fact that there are so many beautiful people out there, who offer many different qualities, it can be confusing when it comes finding someone to connect with on many levels, not just the physical. Then it is scary to trust if they are being honest, not just leading you on, dam right it can be hard! It is one thing to find a connection with someone, it is another to uncover if it is going to be just lust or love! The questions we ask ourselves sound a little bit like this. Are they telling the truth or just what I want to hear? Do they want a relationship or a root and boot? Will I hear from them after I sleep with them? Are they leading me on? Are they seeing someone else? How do you know? “Everyone I’ve dated only wanted one thing, surely this is the same old crap”. Dating, regardless of how you found each other is a bit frustrating, “so sick of time wasters”. I have found that online dating is not the best forum for finding more than a physical connection unless you have patience and a lot of time. So many people, so little time, it becomes so overwhelming that we often give up and not even try, or go with who we feel is the most attractive and potentially miss the best connection. I prefer the traditional forms of dating – introduction through friends, meet somewhere local to you for example; the shops or at your your place of interest/hobby, parties and things like that. The pub and bar are not as successful as it tends to end in a one nighter, (not that there is anything wrong with that) that is up to you and the choice you make at the time. You are also in control of where you want it to go and are allowed to say no if you don’t want to sleep with them. Here are the 6 tips as promised – implement them and see the difference in the people you meet and the dates you are going on. Even if it means you are going on less “dates” I always prefer quality over quantity. 6 tips to make sure it is a genuine connection not just a root and boot… 1. Look deeper than just the physical When you are out take a look around the room, don’t just go straight for the person you think is the hottest and then spend all night with that person. Speak to a few people and listen to the way they interact with you. I am not saying be a flirt or a player, I am suggesting to be sociable, you will soon find a connection with someone and feel a “vibe” that goes deeper than a QF. The funny thing is it’s generally not the initial person you were first attracted to that will be the person you connect with the most on a deeper level than the initial physical attraction. Sometimes it is, but mostly we aren’t open to meeting anyone other than the hottest person in the room and compatibility wise it isn’t always right with that person and we make the wrong choice based on the sexual side. Stay open minded and allow people to speak to you first rather than allowing your genitals to make the choice. If you are using dating apps, read their profile and see if what they are saying connects with you and test yourself, go on a date with someone for more than the images, you may surprise yourself, I have many times. 2. Listen more, speak less Listen for the language they are using, if they are talking about their ex often, about partying and drinking, they don’t have many career goals or future plans for their lives; you will see that they really aren’t thinking much about a relationship or their future. They are stuck in the past and aren’t ready to move forward – they will be eventually, but not right now. You can’t change that, only they can. Don’t hang around waiting for that time to happen as eventually you will start to push and then you become the annoying person, even though you are trying to be supportive, it is a very unattractive quality and can be seen as “trying to change them” – you never want to be THAT person. Be assertive, listen for cue’s and obvious signs to show you if they want more or just a root and boot. You can choose what you want but this will allow you to not be let down as you will notice the language and their signs. Some are really good at fooling you with their “facade” but you will get good at trusting, seeing past the “bulls**t” and following your instinct. This will allow you to progress with them in a way you want, on your terms with no expectations only an understanding of what you want. Enjoy the journey and the ride but be smart. Blaming them for leading you on won’t be a thing anymore as you are empowered to make your own choices and have no expectations, only standards. 3. Learn about them through questions It is easy to talk about ourselves to impress. It is better to listen more, honestly answer the questions you are asked and ask questions to learn about them. If
You will never please 100% of people – please yourself.
[et_pb_section admin_label=”section” transparent_background=”off” allow_player_pause=”off” inner_shadow=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on” custom_padding=”0px|0px|54px|0px” padding_mobile=”off” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”off” custom_width_px=”1080px” custom_width_percent=”80%” make_equal=”off” use_custom_gutter=”off” fullwidth=”off” specialty=”off” disabled=”off”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”off” custom_width_px=”1080px” custom_width_percent=”80%” use_custom_gutter=”off” gutter_width=”3″ padding_mobile=”off” allow_player_pause=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on” make_equal=”off” column_padding_mobile=”on” parallax_1=”off” parallax_method_1=”on” parallax_2=”off” parallax_method_2=”on” parallax_3=”off” parallax_method_3=”on” parallax_4=”off” parallax_method_4=”on” disabled=”off”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_style=”solid” disabled=”off” border_color=”#ffffff”] Life is so full of expectations, lose weight, tone up, wear this, wear that, be this, be that, get a good job, get married, have kids, don’t say this, oooh no you can’t say that, do as I say (not as I do haha) do this, do that… Half the time we don’t even know who we are and if those things truly make us happy, or if we are doing it to fulfil some sort of societies demands and expectations to fit in and be accepted. I am certainly not someone that sticks to the norms, well I once was that person but I did not “fit in” and mostly I stood out like a sore thumb, for all the wrong reasons. Mainly because I was challenging these norms, offering new suggestions and ideas for a better way and coming up with my own solutions that didn’t fit in with their expectations, mostly because I could see a better way and it in turn offended people – oopsies, this was never my intention. I believe that we all have a right to have our own likes, dislikes and direction in life. Yes there are certain things we need to abide by in order to live, like buy food and pay the bills, live healthy, be kind and respectful to others and contribute somehow, but why the heck does the rest of what we do in our lives, yes OUR lives, have to be under the terms of society and looking good or fulfilling stupid expectations that aren’t even our own dreams and goals??? Why do we have to go to uni and study something we hate only to get a job we hate, marry someone we divorce and raise our children as single parents? I am not saying that happens to everyone and I am also not saying you shouldn’t do these things, if they are your goals and passions then absolutely do them, but if they aren’t you can certainly find another way. What I am saying is that if you find your purpose, uncover who you truly are, at whatever age, then follow that path and STUFF what society says. Make your own rules! If you want to invent something amazing no matter how many people told you it could never be done, if you want to start a new business because you see a gap in the market, if you want to travel overseas and help people less fortunate then I say DOOOO IT! Find a way, it is easier when there is a strong will. We are only ever our happiest when we are living our purpose, even when it is at the darkest part, you are struggling to pay the bills and we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, nothing beats being authentically yourself, and striving for achieving something great, that thing you feel yearning inside you, it has been there since you can remember so awaken it and do it. It is especially more satisfying when you know you have gone through the toughest times and come out the other side successfully and you achieved it all on you own – despite the neigh sayers. This just doesn’t go for your career, this also applies to your relationships. You don’t need to be in a relationship to be worthy or lovable, you don’t have to rush in to something you are unsure of, you also can take a jump if it feels right despite how short it has been and what people think. Stop seeking approval from others, stop asking others if they think you should or shouldn’t do something. Half the time they don’t know themselves what is right or wrong based on your needs and desires, they will only offer advice based on their own fears and passions anyway, they will also combine that with what society has taught them which is probably wrong for you anyway. Stop looking outwards and start seeking approval within yourself. If you are single – embrace it, if you are in love – embrace that. If you want to travel, do it, if you want to be a lawyer do that! F**k society, listen to your heart, that is where your true love and passion lies anyway, not in the opinion of others. I lived most of my life “acting”, “pretending” to be someone else to fit in only to ostracise myself and feel so lonely, confused and bored, it was horrible and some of the worst times in my life. The moment I uncovered who I am authentically, gave the forks to societies rules, loved and allowed myself to be me, was the moment I became the happiest person I have ever been in my life. I don’t fit in, I never did and since I uncovered me I now stand out in a way that is changing lives. I said at 6 years old I wanted to make a difference in this world but was suffocated by the world for way too long. Now I do what makes me happy, pay my bills, respect and love my family, friends and along with that my enemies. I do not follow the rules of society which is why I lost so many jobs and also why I succeed so much in others. What is your purpose? Mine is enabling people to feel loved everyday despite their relationship status and it fills me with happiness, gratitude, love and so many wonderful people who love and appreciate me for who I am. I have more amazing people in my life now, being authentically myself, than I did when I was pretending to
You don't have to chase love
If you are making all the effort there is an imbalance in the relationship – Recognise this as a sign to move on & find someone that will make effort too! ❤️
Melbourne Sexpo
I’m excited to announce that I will be Co-Host For Sexpo in Melbourne 2016!! I allign myself with Sexpo as I believe sex is truly an important part to having a loving-connected relationship. Here I learn many things that I can pass on to you. Make sure you come down and say hello while I am there. Can’t wait x x
